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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29919228">ashita</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewtophia/pseuds/mewtophia'>mewtophia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>stars and moon [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst with a Hopeful Ending more like, Character Death, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd Needs a Hug, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd-centric, M/M, Memories, Moving On, Past Character Death, Recovery, Sad Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Self-Hatred, inspired by OMORI, tbh they all need hugs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:49:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,220</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29919228</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewtophia/pseuds/mewtophia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The bed is cold.</p><p>Odd, but it started becoming normal after a few years. Waking up to a cold bed used to be so unnerving for Dimitri, though he’s grown numb to it. An usual day like any other; go to work, do whatever to distract himself, and head home. It’s routine, one he’s grown accustomed to over the past few years; some days he’ll probably go off schedule and buy himself wine, maybe a beer or two, and drink away only to become even more numb.</p><p>It’s okay, though, he’s used to it.</p><p>====</p><p>Dimitri learns how to accept the past and moves forward, but it takes a while.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>stars and moon [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2115240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>ashita</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It took me a few days to write this,,, and usually I’d be done with a fic within a day lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>💛💛💛💛💛</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bed is cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Odd, but it started becoming normal after a few years. Waking up to a cold bed used to be so unnerving for Dimitri, though he’s grown numb to it. An usual day like any other; go to work, do whatever to distract himself, and head home. It’s routine, one he’s grown accustomed to over the past few years; some days he’ll probably go off schedule and buy himself wine, maybe a beer or two, and drink away only to become even more numb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s okay, though, he’s used to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some days he wishes there was someone here, maybe the tiredness will suddenly go away and he’ll be living off a normal routine. Well, that’s saying his own routine isn’t normal, which it probably isn’t; though, who’s here to judge?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He drinks his coffee and scrolls down his phone, his work email overflowing while his personal email was close to empty. It was a normal sight, again. He doesn’t know how his friends are doing, what’s going on in their lives right now or where they’re at.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How long has it been?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It must’ve been too long, he hasn’t seen his friends in more than a year. Expected since they’re busy, but before, they used to plan so many outings and trips together. They’d laugh and play around like dumb teens both as actual teens and adults, dance around until their legs gave out and slept in their rooms sprawled out like little children.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were basically dumb teenagers getting together and somehow finding little things that brought them closer as people and friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It first started with Edelgard joining, then on it was the five of them in their little childhood coup. When highschool peaked, they almost fell out; with Sylvain’s flirting and Felix’s aggressiveness, Ingrid trying out sports with Dimitri and Edelgard going into debate, it felt like they weren’t going anywhere.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until Edelgard introduced </span>
  <b>*#+{}^</b>
  <span> from her debate club to them that they started getting back together. Well, more of </span>
  <b>=#*]+}</b>
  <span> pushed them to try and hang out again like old friends. Slowly but steadily, it went from rare meetings to daily walks back home, hanging out whenever free time was there; they’d stop by the Gautiers for Sylvain to cook up a feast that Ingrid and </span>
  <b>%*}*#=</b>
  <span> gobbled down, maybe passed by the convenience store and laughed as Edelgard snorted milk out of her nose. Perhaps they’d watch as Felix and Dimitri duked it out by arm wrestles, teasing as he came out victorious in the end and Felix demanding another round; his pride not wanting to falter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Such days were fond to remember.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💙💙💙💙💙💙</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dimitri.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dima.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mitya.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mitya?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He awakes, looking at a bright blue sky.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dimitri lets himself breathe for a bit, taking in slow and deep breaths. To his right, he sees flowers; to his left, he sees Claude. Sylvain, Felix, Ingrid, and El are with them. “Look who’s awake!” Sylvain teases, bringing out plates with sandwiches from the basket as he places them on the blanket. Ingrid opened her mouth to lecture Dimitri about falling asleep until Felix rolled his eyes and shoved a sandwich inside her mouth, which seemed to shut her up. Edelgard simply smiled and chuckled at the trio’s shenanigans as she looked at the other two.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You were asleep for a while.” She said, pinching Claude’s cheek, “You should’ve woken him. I’m sure he’d love to be awakened by a ray of sunshine.” Edelgard’s teasing makes Claude flush red for a bit until he pinches her cheek back, soon becoming a pinching battle. Ingrid finished up her sandwich before scolding Felix about shoving food down peoples’ mouths, her lecture for Dimitri long forgotten. Sylvain laughs as he cracks a joke, hearing everyone laughing fills his ears.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He laughs along with them. Their cheerful giggles fill his ears again and again as he catches Claude sneaking a glance at him, elbowing him and teasing that he fell asleep. “It was from training,” he replied, Claude leans onto him as he cuddles, Edelgard follows and soon they collectively make a cuddle pile.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Before he knew it, he was drifting off to sleep once more.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💛💛💛💛💛</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s no work today, so Dimitri decides to spend the day in his room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hunger overwhelms him, so he gets off of his cold bed to eat. Looking inside the fridge, he sees leftovers from yesterday and decides to heat it in the microwave. Dimitri sighs, waiting as the food was being heated up. He decides to go to the bathroom and try to wash up there, grabbing some clothes and a towel to dry himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stops suddenly, looking around the room as the sounds of water filling up rings in his ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s so quiet, so dead. Awfully so, the light flickers as he stares at the empty room in front of him, water close to overflowing. He snaps back to reality when he hears the microwave go off, turning off the water faucet and grabbing his food from the hot microwave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Plating it like he’s making it for another person, he cuts up his food and tries to take a bite, stopping the last minute when he’s about to take a bite of his food. It suddenly feels cold, the warmth quickly fading away when he tries to eat it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You like your food warm, right, Mitya?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He does.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finally takes a bite of his food and chews. It feels like wet tissue paper on his tongue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💙💙💙💙💙</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They’re all swimming, the lake deep enough that they could dive in and not hit the bottom, despite there being one.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I— You all know very well I can’t swim!” Edelgard glares at them, staying far away from the lake as possible. Silence at first, but Claude chuckles as he wraps his arm around Edelgard’s, smiling at her. “Come on, Eddie! It’s fun, besides. We can teach you! Sylvain’s a really good swimmer, right Syl?” Claude asks, they hear Felix’s huffing and Ingrid’s snickering as the redhead laughs and coughs, his face going as red as his own hair; possibly even redder.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dimitri, for once, is the one to roll his eyes as he dives deep first into the lake. He comes out all wet and waving at them, smiling and telling to come join him. Soon they all dived in, with Edelgard coming last as she slowly went in, being cautious that she wouldn't slip and accidentally drown herself. Claude claps as he cheers Edelgard on, with Felix shrugging as he floated around while Ingrid tried practicing her own swimming skills. Meanwhile, Sylvain was letting Edelgard hold onto him as she learned how to swim, not intending to let go or let her drown.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He goes underwater, swimming around as he sees his other two friends playing around and having fun. Claude catches his eye as he waves, making Dimitri wave back at him and grabbing Claude to bring him up to the surface; squeals and giggles fills his ears as he feels a warm body pressed up against him, the coldness of the water forgotten. “How mean, Dima! Carrying me so suddenly, I didn’t know you could be so cruel.” Claude teases, Dimitri simply chuckles in response as they see Edelgard finally able to swim by herself; though, still not willing to go underwater and trying to swim from there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ingrid started splashing water at Felix, sparking his competitiveness and splashed Ingrid back harder. Sylvain soon joined in, teasing Edelgard about how he’s going to be her knight in shining armor which prompted her to splash him with water, with Sylvain responding by splashing her back with little to no effort due to her beginner level skills with swimming. Claude and Dimitri fought back and they all started splashing water at each other, the sun setting as they lost track of time while having fun.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>All of them except Sylvain and Ingrid went back home and came back to school the next day with sunburn. While Sylvain laughed, Ingrid lectured them all about proper skin protection and using sunscreen; she was then reminded of her ultimate defeat by Felix shortly after, which earned him a kick to the leg and laughter from the other three watching the chaos ensue.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💛💛💛💛</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears a knock on the door and there he sees Ingrid standing outside in all of her glory.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When did she cut her hair?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she speaks, looking at Dimitri with her green eyes. Green eyes, they somehow never seem to go away, “I’m uh… sorry, you probably didn’t expect me here, did you?” She asked, and Dimitri shakes his head. Ingrid purses her lips as she sees Dimitri moving to let her inside, hesitant but she goes in after thanking him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sit on the couch without speaking a word, a few years of not talking seemed to really have made things a bit awkward; which was odd, before they’d greet each other immediately and laugh from jokes someone made, maybe one of them (mostly Sylvain) brought some food that they packed and everyone feasted while they talked about whatever’s going on in their lives.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, he simply pours her a glass of wine and for himself as they sit awkwardly on the couch, each glass in their hands as they try to look into each other's eyes for more than five seconds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To be fair though, things can’t be the same when you’re an adult, can’t they?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Right, it will </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>never</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> be the same. Not after that day.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a while, huh? This… must’ve been so sudden for you.” Ingrid says, her voice sounding like she’s trying to apologize for something. He sighs, looking at her with the most sincerity he could muster up despite the eyebags. “I’m— it’s okay. I missed you a lot. Actually.” He says, Ingrid frowns but he could tell that she wasn’t upset at him. “I missed you too, really. I missed… I miss everyone, Dimitri. We used to be so close.” Her breath shakes, he tries to help, but he doesn’t know what to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ingrid sucks in a breath, looking at Dimitri with such sadness in her eyes, an emotion he hasn’t seen from her since—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Since the day when—</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you remember back in high school? We'd hang out after school, Sylvain would bring us food and Felix would argue at any opportunity; goddess, I actually miss Felix’s anger. And Edelgard would read books underneath the tree, she’d rant about certain chapters and characters while Claude— oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>goddess,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Claude—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dimitri got up abruptly from the couch, his breath hitching the moment Ingrid mentioned </span>
  <b>#^]+{=</b>
  <span>. His vision was blurring for a bit, breaths almost cutting from the airway until Ingrid held his shoulder, looking at him with such concern. “Dimitri?” Her tone is uncharacteristically concerned, she wasn’t really the nurturing type; so it threw him off a bit. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cannot answer that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looks away, rubbing his back and grabbing her back. “...I know, it’s been hard. But… he’d want you to be happy, right?” She asks, Dimitri still doesn’t answer except for his heavy breathing. They both head towards the door, seeing Ingrid look at him with pity in her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you want, we could grab a coffee sometime. Maybe reunite? Like the good days?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like the days where they’d stop by a convenience store and laugh at each other’s mischief. He nods. “I’d— I’d like that. Very much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ingrid nods, the door opens as she walks out. “Have a good day, see you soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💙💙💙💙</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Eugh, that’s gross, Felix!” Ingrid exclaims, her face scrunched up as he had a box of bugs in his hand, all moving and crawling to get out.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He shrugs, poking a beetle that he caught with a stick. “They’re harmless, you’re being overdramatic. It’s not like they’ll hurt you or anything.” He says, the stick pokes more insects as Ingrid shivers, making her skin crawl. “Calm down, now. Don’t fear them, they’re just innocent little bugs.” Edelgard muses, poking them with a stick as well as Ingrid turned away. Sylvain laughs as he turned away from making a flower braid on Claude’s hair, “For someone talks about not fearing things, you sure do squeal whenever a mouse pops out.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She sputters, gawking at Sylvain as she tries to find a comeback, only to sulk and remember that he was right. Claude laughs and looks at him, his flower crown still on his head, making him smile. “Tired?” He asks, Dimitri nods. He moves and pats his lap, letting Dimitri lay there smiling down as he moves his hair to the side, caressing his cheek and humming a tune. “Mmm, rest up now, Mitya. All of us will be here.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He hums, and he hums, and he hums.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He wakes up and sees Claude was the only one left. “I’m— I’m sorry, they all left. You should’ve gone with them.” Claude simply smiles and pinches Dimitri’s cheek, but happiness soon fades as he looks up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey, Mitya. Don’t tell anyone yet, but I’ll be going to the hospital soon.” He says, and Dimitri gets up, the sad smile still looking at him. “Mama and baba said that I’ll probably get worse in the future— you know, the immune system sucks.” He doesn’t know what to say, he simply grips his hand as he listens.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So— I’m not saying it’s impossible, but if I’m gone in the future—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Please don’t go forgetting me? I mean, it’s just that you’ve got your own life to live and—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I really, really can’t stay forever, even if I want to. It’s just— it’s hard, you know? I really don’t want to—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>That isn’t happening.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His world is suddenly dark, all he can see is the horizon with his friends and Claude. Though Claude isn’t with his friends, he’s far from them.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A smile creeps onto his lips.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>“I need to go, Mitya.”</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He hates it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he wakes up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💛💛💛</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few days later, they meet again at the cafe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A lot of things have changed— Edelgard, a lawyer now, for one. Her hair’s kept neat, her stance and face more mature; it makes him realize it’s been years since he last talked to her. Ingrid sat there awkwardly as they sat in silence, Felix sat close to Sylvain as they drank their coffee.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” Sylvain starts, looking at them, “it’s been a while. How long has it been? Five, six, maybe seven years? Goddess, we’re all around thirty now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right. Most of them are already thirty— wait, thirty? Oh, right. He remembered. He looks around and sees Edelgard shifting on her seat, Ingrid looks around as well while Felix quietly drinks his coffee. Everyone really did change.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This— ahem, pardon. I just… I just never thought we’d see each other again.” Edelgard says, tracing the rim of her cup with her fingers. Felix finishes up his coffee when he answers, “Everyone’s been busy. Life’s a piece of shit for doing that.” Sylvain snorts, Ingrid takes small sips of her cup as Dimitri looks down on his own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re all together again, but something’s off. Someone’s missing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all end up going back to their old high school.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garreg Mach was now in shambles, the building looks like it could crumble at any moment; but a wave of nostalgia hits Dimitri, and it scares him. They sit by a tree, looking up to the sky as each of them sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It really doesn’t feel the same, does it?” Ingrid asks, everyone nods in agreement before Edelgard addresses the elephant in the room. “We know it’s because— because Claude's gone. Goddess, can you believe it? He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead—!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We fucking know!” Felix shouts, calming down after a few deep breaths as Sylvain looks at Dimitri. “Sorry— you’re probably the most affected by this, really.” He says, everyone mumbles agreements as his world starts to try and pick up only to fall again and again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>}^]*}^</b>
  <span>’s gone. </span>
  <b>[=}*+{%</b>
  <span>’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>And it’s all too much to bear.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ingrid sits up, looking up at them as her eyes filled with sorrow, the others have the same expression. “Look, I know that we’re still upset that he—“ she looks down, “that he suddenly left us like that. It’s— it’s just—…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She can’t find words, it’s pretty obvious that despite there being moments where they bantered, they pretty much cared for each other. Edelgard avoids eye contact as she stares at a flower, a lavender; “Don’t. Don’t force yourself.” She says, letting in a shaky breath. “We know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sylvain gulps, looking at everyone as they wallowed in sorrow, looking at Dimitri. “Yeah— I’m. I’m sorry, about— goddess, that was so long ago. Dimitri, I’m…” he looks down at first, but then looks at him directly in the eye, “I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry. Goddess, the fact that— I fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>blamed you.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That was—!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I’m— I’m over it.” Dimitri says, choking out the okay part as he looks at his friends. Felix stays silent for a long time until he gets up, looking at the distance. “Take care of yourselves. We all know a certain someone would’ve kicked our asses for not doing that if they were here right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>He’s right. He’s so </span><em><span>painfully</span></em><span> right, to the point where Dimitri can actually </span><em><span>see</span></em> <b>}+]**{</b><span> in front of him telling him to come home.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Come home, please. I miss you so, so much, Mitya.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t you miss me, Mitya? Don’t you want to come home to me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mitya?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mitya…?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Mitya…?</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Don’t you want to come home? Do you hate me so much? Don’t you love me?</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Answer me.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>ANSWER ME.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He ends up going home first, of course, he says his goodbyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💙💙💙</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There’s nothing, nothing but darkness. He walks around, and there’s still nothing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mitya?” He hears a voice. He turns behind him and sees Claude. There’s still so much in his chest that makes him want to run, to make him go away and never come back. Something keeps him here, though; he doesn’t know what. “Mitya, are you okay? Mmm, you’ve been feeling lonely, haven’t you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So much.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You know I hate seeing you like that, it’s heartbreaking.” He feels someone hug him from behind, and Dimitri’s terrified. He doesn’t want to turn his head.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>But GODDESS, anything he’ll do to see his face in reality for one last time.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s late, Mitya. You have work tomorrow.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His breath hitches, his hand holds Claude’s own, it feels real even if it isn’t; he knows far too well that this is nothing more than a dream. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t want to leave you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Silence.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But you already did.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dimitri’s heart stops.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t you remember? When you went away when I was sick? Don’t you remember that? You chose work over me, Mitya. Why? Don’t you love me? I thought you loved me, you said you’ll be there for me. Where were you when I was sick? Where were you when I needed you the most? Answer me, please. It’s so cold, I miss you so much. Answer me, answer me </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Mitya, ANSWER ME—!”</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He covers his ears trying to block out any sound, hunched to his knees as he hears the loud wails Claude started making. It was too much, he didn’t want to hear it anymore, he didn’t need anymore reminders.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dimitri didn’t need anyone telling him he’s the scum of the earth for not being there when he needed it most, he knows it far too well. The rooms always feel so cold, his warmth is gone, the light that knew so well was gone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The love of his life was </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>gone.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dimitri awakes with tears threatening to fall, he manages to get up and continue his routine, trying his best to ignore whatever voices were screaming in his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💛💛</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lack of sleep was taking a toll on him, the dreams— or nightmares, were growing more and more by the day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It only grew worse when Felix found photos they had one day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look at us, annoying little shits. Can’t fucking believe we still have these.” He says, looking at the album as they stared at old photos. It mostly consisted of goofy shenanigans back in high school, back when them along with </span>
  <b>C}*{d[</b>
  <span> decided to be dumb teens and enjoy whatever they had despite the short time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Four years of highschool…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as they say it was so short, it felt like an eternity. Guess that’s what having fun with a group of friends really does to you, making you forget that time even existed in the first place. The album, in itself, is a colorful one; with all the years, it’s dulled out and has a few stain marks, but it was colorful nonetheless. The photos themselves send them through another nostalgia trip that makes Dimitri scared once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pictures of them swimming and playing around in the lake they fooled around in before, though that lake was now gone; eating sandwiches and all sorts of food, certain trips that left them with good memories that they wanted to keep, it was all so much. Their smiles were so big, genuine, like children that saw a pile of candy and decided to eat it all up until there was nothing left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, goddess. Everyone looks so gorgeous here…” Ingrid mumbles, they all take a look and—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a photo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From his wedding.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His wedding ring is now uncomfortably tight, it didn’t feel like that before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all stare at it, how happy they must’ve been. Especially Dimitri and </span>
  <b>C#^ude</b>
  <span>, tears stained the latter’s cheeks as the former held him tight, everyone congratulated them as they celebrated. His chest feels tight now, a pain coming back as he looks away from the photo. They all look at him with concern while he’s trying to calm himself down, his breaths going from uneasy to slightly leveled, waving his hand to signal them that he’s alright. Everyone in the room stays silent until someone turns the page of the photo album, they’re met with a blank page.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Papers are neatly kept in the page, however. Each folded up and has their names signed on it in familiar handwriting; it seemed to be fairly new, though despite that, they can tell it’s been years since someone last touched these papers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Each of them took the papers that had their name signed, opening up and…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s all in </span>
  <b>C%#ude</b>
  <span>’s handwriting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They each read it, except Dimitri. He holds it in his hand, staring at his name that was written on the folded paper, fearing the contents inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edelgard was unexpectedly the first one to crack from tears. They all look at her and rub her back to comfort, seeing what was written in her paper; it was </span>
  <b>C%*ude</b>
  <span> thanking her, for being the first to consider him in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sylvain’s breath shakes when he reads his own, showing others what he had in the paper; in it, it was a thank you for being the older brother he needed, especially when he needed it most. Felix’s letter consisted of jokes, but it had a thank you for sticking around despite the attitude in the end. Ingrid smiled sadly as she read hers, a thank you for staying with him despite arguments or lectures she gave; knowing that she wanted the best for everyone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They don’t ask Dimitri what’s inside his letter, seeing his eyes and how the pain still looks fresh was enough to tell them that now’s not the time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a missing photo from the album, Edelgard and Sylvain scavenged the entire room while everyone else ended up convincing them that it probably got lost, or someone just kept it only for them to forget. It caused them to sulk, of course, but they accepted the possible truth in the end; as much as they hated it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all went home, letter in hand. Dimitri ended up keeping the photo album. “You look like you wanted it the most,” Felix said. And he was right, he looked at photos of them all night until he fell asleep, photo album long forgotten.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💙💙</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A dream, no, more of a memory.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A hospital, Dimitri’s running inside like he was rushing, for something. For someone. He sees his friends, Sylvain on the brink of tears, Felix looking numb while the other two had such a sorrowful look in their eyes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I— I’m sorry, oh goddess, what happened?” Is he alright? Everyone stays silent, and that’s enough to tell Dimitri what had happened.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He died.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Claude died.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The information slowly pieced together when they spoke up, caught a severe case of pneumonia, gave up after a few days; it was so painful for them to visit, seeing their friend smile through all of that while a ventilator tried to help.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>All of this happened while Dimitri struggled to get back from his business trip upon hearing that his husband was hospitalized.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His entire world felt like it was crashing down, it was all fine just a few days ago; Claude said he’ll be alright without him, the house will be fine without him, he’ll be there waiting for Dimitri when he comes back from work.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What waited for him instead was his lifeless body, sunshine now gone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And Dimitri left him alone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Where were you?” Sylvain quietly asked, he simply mumbled out “Work,” quietly; it made everyone flinch when Sylvain got up, tears now staining his face. “Work? </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Work?</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> So you mean to tell me you were busting you were ass off doing goddess-knows-what while your husband was </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>fucking dying?</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He flinched, the venom was clear in Sylvain’s words, everyone got up and tried to calm the red head down; but his anger was directed more towards Dimitri, who was still trying to process the events that happened.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dimitri still couldn’t believe it, he was gone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He was actually </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>gone.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dimitri could only hear screaming, wailing, his own tears falling from his face as his world slowly became numb.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Where was he?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why wasn’t he back sooner? Why didn’t he check in? Did he just not care enough? Was he too caught up in providing the best that he forgot?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What did he do for Claude to just pass so soon?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If only he got here sooner, if only he checked up on him before doing anything, if only he actually </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>brought</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> Claude with him to the business trip and keep him close; he would still be here. He’d be here smiling, making jokes, teasing everyone about anything.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>“I thought you FUCKING LOVED HIM!”</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It rang in his ears, crying came out from all of them except Felix, who was trying his best to mediate the situation despite not being familiar with such; and Dimitri, he was spilling silent tears as the cries of everyone else filled his ears.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Too much, he was feeling too much, hearing too much; voices are swallowing his mind whole.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I thought you loved me?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No, please. Not again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mitya, I love you. I love you so much, do you remember?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He remembers, remembers the tune he sang whenever Dimitri felt so low. The smile he always had that seemed to shine brighter than the sun, reassuring him that it’ll be alright; he’ll be okay. He’ll always be there for him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Claude will always be there for him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t you remember, Mitya? We promised each other that we’ll be there for each other, right? That’s what you told me, right?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>so</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> sorry. He left, he wasn’t there and he feels so guilty—</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I still love you, you know?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...what?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It isn’t your fault, that I died— I mean. I’m sorry, I couldn’t fight until the end.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, no. Please, don’t—!” He hiccups, tears streaming down his face as he actually manages to look at him. Goddess, he’s still as beautiful as he remembered; his smile, even with all the hardship, he’s still smiling. There’s no scorn in his eyes, no anger, not even the slightest hint of any negative emotions. “I’m— I’m sorry. Claude, my beloved, I—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t apologize, please. I hate seeing you so sad over this.” He feels a hand on his own, it’s cold and it makes him shiver. It feels colder than what he’s used to, which is odd for someone like Dimitri; he’s used to such low temperatures.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He grips his hand tight despite the coldness he feels, it feels so real, and Dimitri thinks he’s probably going </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>insane—</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mitya, I want to see you happy.” Claude speaks, his voice so soft and gentle; “I love you, I always have and always will. Please don’t feel guilty anymore, I could never bring myself to hate you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dimitri cries again, hugging the cold body tight as he hummed a tune he’s far too familiar with. They end up laying down on a surface as he is hugged tight, the tune slowly fading away…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he awakes, tears streaming down his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💛</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dimitri sees Sylvain, at front of his door. He looks… guilty. For something. “Can I… can I come in?” He asks, and Dimitri lets him inside; he pours him a glass of water (or was it wine? His mind is hazy), and they sit on the couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sit in silence, sipping their cups as the tension thickens. It breaks when Sylvain clears his throat, looking at Dimitri with an apologetic look. “Look, I didn’t get to properly apologize, I feel like. So… just let me say again; I’m sorry. It was uncalled for to start screaming and blaming you for things you couldn’t control.” He says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sylvain, you don’t—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just… just listen for a bit, please?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He closes his mouth and nods, Sylvain tries to look at him in the eyes but he looks away from time to time. Dimitri sees his hands shake and thinks about calming him down, but figures that it’ll just make things worse. “When— The moment I heard Claude died, when you called and told us to go to the hospital because you were told that he was dead. I thought you were joking at first…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thought the same, Dimitri himself thought the hospital was joking; looking back at it now, he didn’t know how he reached that conclusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...but… then we heard it from the officials and— I’m— I’m so sorry, I just… I just jumped to conclusions when I— when we found out that you weren’t at the hospital yet. I thought you didn’t care even though it was clear that you did and— goddess, I’m so </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dima, I—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He quietly stands up and gently holds Sylvain’s hand, smiling at him with warmth like how </span>
  <b>C*la=de</b>
  <span> would to others. “We…” he clears his throat, “we were all suffering… weren’t we?” He asks, and Sylvain nods, suddenly pulling him into a hug; he hugs back. They sit there in the hug for what felt like hours, and it was like another nostalgia trip all over again; the days when Sylvain would give any of them hugs to make sure that they were alright, it makes him realize none of them ever seemed to offer him the same.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The nostalgia trip, it’s not as scary as it seems anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re still suffering from it, aren’t you…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hates to admit that he’s right, but just talking to Sylvain makes him want to end it tonight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💙</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s dark, and it’s somehow… calming. Nothing can be seen, except for a light in front of him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He sees a figure at the light, which prompts him to breathe and move forward slowly. Walking towards the figure, and they’re so, so far away. He walks more and more, and suddenly the noises get louder. It makes him want to stop, turn back and go back to how life was like before.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Instead, he breathes. He lets himself recollect himself, not looking back, instead looking at the figure.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He moves forward, the noises turn into voices as they grow louder and louder.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why aren’t you stopping?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why haven’t you given up yet?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He ignores it and moves forward, but it gets harder and harder. Still, he continues to walk carefully as he watches his breathing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re so selfish, trying to find happiness when you know that you don’t deserve it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’ve gotten too much already, what more is there for you to take and break once again?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Didn’t you have enough? Your friends and lover have already suffered because of your stupidity.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dimitri shakes, his breathing getting a bit erratic, but he still moves forward; calming himself down. It gets harder to breathe the closer to the figure he gets, it’s starting to be too much, yet he pushes through. The voices grow louder.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ingrid loved him, don’t you remember?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Edelgard loved him, even if she didn’t show it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Felix loved him, despite the insults and anger.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sylvain loved him, he treated him like family.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You loved him, and you weren’t there for him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Claude loved you, and you left him by himself.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re so pathetic.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He halts, trying his best to breathe before moving forward. He doesn’t want to give up, he feels like he’s already nearing the end; the voices grow louder, and louder, and louder.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Why don’t you just give up? Your friends must hate you more than you hate yourself.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>What will you do afterwards? Will you cry and fall back to your fantasy world where everything’s alright?</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>You’re less than trash, less than feces.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>You should just die.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Die.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Die.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Die.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Die.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Die.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Die.</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He reaches the end.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The figure is Claude, and he holds his hand. A smile is on his face as they look towards the light.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Memories.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Edelgard introduced Claude, who was closed off and reserved; soon became energetic, overcurious, and cheerful like how they always knew him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They were eating sandwiches together, cheering on as they had a contest on who could eat the most sandwiches with the shortest time as possible.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>All of them fell asleep one night while looking at the stars, he felt Claude pulling him close and cuddling for warmth as the night breeze made him shiver from the cold.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>College and everyone still stuck around, laughing and going on trips even with busy schedules. He catches a glimpse of Claude looking at him with such warm, green eyes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They partied all night and fell asleep from exhaustion, the only two left awake were him and Claude. Before they knew it, he was pulled down and was brought to a gentle kiss, and he kissed him back with such love.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They were dating for two, three years. College was over when they reached four and they moved into an apartment together, laughing and smiling as they unpacked.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was their sixth year when he popped the question to him. They both cried as a yes was exclaimed and a ring slipped onto Claude’s finger, admiring it for the rest of the night.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Their wedding day was full of laughter, tears, and smiles. Everyone toasted as Dimitri carried Claude all the way to the car that held a ‘Just Married’ sign, kissing and loving each other when they went to the honeymoon.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Their apartment was feeling a bit empty, so Claude talked about possible pets. They scoured the internet, and decided that if the time came where they were able to get a pet, they’ll get a shih tzu.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Days before Claude’s death, Dimitri asked him if he was sure he wanted to stay. He nodded his head, saying he’ll be fine and that the apartment will be safe in his hands; orderly when he arrives.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It suddenly cuts back to high school, a personal memory. Dimitri catches Claude singing in the garden to himself; a sweet tune, a melody he later sang to him by the time they were dating.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It all ends and fades to white. Everything’s lightened up now as the only ones standing in the room are himself and Claude. He sees his lover smile and let go of his hand, walking away before halting and looking back, tears falling down his face as he smiles for the last time.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m proud of you, Mitya. Now go, go be happy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He leaves.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dimitri wakes and he stays on his bed for a while, a smile finds itself on his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💛💙</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to come with me?” He asks, everyone looks at him and exchanges looks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Edelgard asks, and he opens the exit of the cafe. “His anniversary is only once a year.” He replies. It’s all silent until someone picks up their back and everyone follows. The walk to the cemetery is silent, only the occasional stop for a drink or a restroom break here and there, but no words were exchanged.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They got to the cemetery and managed to find the grave, somehow, it’s still clean even after all these years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In loving memory of Claude von Riegan-Blaiddyd</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>19XX-20XX</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Loving friend, loving son, and loving husband</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stood in silence, Felix had the courtesy to bring marigolds; his favorite flower. Sylvain was the first to speak, sitting on the grass as he looked at the grave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Claudester. It’s me again.” Sylvain speaks, everyone stays silent to give him space, eyes still on the grave that kept their best friend. “I’m with everyone this time, I’m sure you missed them lots. Can you believe we’re getting old now? Soon we’ll be old men and women complaining about our back pain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few chuckles, maybe stifled laughter, but the moment quickly fades upon the sad realization in Sylvain’s words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...you’d like that more than all of us here, really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re all silent, the sounds of Sylvain getting up and smiling sadly at the grave, as if he was right there smiling back at them. “Everyone’s excited to talk to you, I’m sure you are as well.” He moves, waiting for the next person to speak. Ingrid comes up and she looks down, the flowers in her view.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I’m sorry, I don’t really visit as often, do I?” She asks to herself, chuckling at herself. “Sorry… guess I was still in denial about it. It’s… it’s nice to talk to you, though. You’re getting plenty of rest now.” She lets out a pained laugh, everyone looks at the scene with sorrowful eyes as she turns away. “...happy anniversary, we miss you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Next was Edelgard, it was obvious that despite her rock hard demeanor, she just wanted to scream and cry all her frustrations away. “You were too young.” She simply says, her breath shaking as the others tried to calm her down. Her breathing levels as she looks down with pain in her eyes, “We miss you so much. I… I remember that you told us how lonely you felt before, I hope… I hope you aren’t feeling lonely now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walks away, and sobs a bit before regaining composure; from the looks of it, she managed to let out so many emotions with so little words. Felix was next, he simply sat in front of the grave and stared; but… he was calmer, much more relaxed. The rest of them stood in silence as Felix sat around, getting up before saying; “It was nice being with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dimitri was last, and he stood there in silence for a few moments; letting himself breathe before speaking. “Claude… my— my beloved. I’m sorry, I was… I was too stricken with grief to even visit. My sincerest apologies…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels a weight being lifted out of his chest, kind of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everything… changed so much since you left, and the apartment… it’s lonely without you. Some days… I think about what I could’ve done, had I left earlier. Maybe you’d still be alive, you wouldn’t have felt so much pain before your last moments…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were about to calm him down until he managed to level his breath, looking down at the grave where his lover rests. “...though, you wouldn’t want me to wallow in such things, would you? No, you’d tell me that there’s a whole life out there waiting for me… wanting me to explore it even without you by my side. Well, physically, at least.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lets out one last exhale before giving a rare, small smile. “I… I love you. I love you so much, my beloved. May you rest in peace now, there is no need to worry for me anymore…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They leave the cemetery with peace of mind, for the first time in many years. They then head to the convenient store to stop by for a drink, laughing when Edelgard laughed at a joke which resulted in iced coffee being snorted out of her nose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💙💛</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Mitya,</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wow, it’s been years, huh? Who would’ve thought we’ve been together for so long?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Enough of that now, that isn’t why I’m writing this letter. I just want to say thank you, with all my being. I mean it when I’m writing this letter, I’m not sure if it’ll reach you, so I’m keeping it safe in the album until someone finds it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you, so much. Thank you for accepting me, thank you for loving me, thank you for being there for me. There’s so much I want to thank you for, but I don’t want you reading an old scroll like in the olden times, so I’ll sadly have to cut this letter short.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You were there even in my darkest of times; remember when Jalil beat me blue and you carried me all the way to the hospital? I can’t thank you enough for that, I thought I was going to die at that moment. And that one time I got so sick I had to be hospitalized for the nth time, you were the first to visit despite the busy schedule (which was VERY irresponsible, by the way).</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The joy I felt when you proposed to me that night, it was like a fairytale come true, like the ones I read to myself every night as a kid. You really were like a prince in shining armor, you know? Sweeping me off my feet and all that. Marrying you must’ve been one of the best moments of my life, I really can’t imagine a life without you in it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re just too good, Mitya. I love you, I love you, I love you. I can’t write nor say it enough.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I only have one request: When I’m gone, don’t stop yourself. Enjoy the world as it is, let yourself breathe and allow yourself to enjoy whatever else the world has to offer. Even if times are rough, or when it feels like the entire world is against you, I’ll be there. I want to be there, even if you shut yourself out from the world and want to give up at the moment, I want to be there to remind you that everything will be okay.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Let yourself breathe, Mitya. You’ll be okay, even when I’m not around. You have great friends, and I want you to stay with them until the very end.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>With all my love, my heart, and my soul,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Claude von Riegan-Blaiddyd.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*ashita is tomorrow in Japanese</p><p>:))</p><p>💙💛💙💛</p></blockquote></div></div>
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